My short story is about an 19 year old boy. His realatives treat him like he is a screw up and they don't take him seriously because of something that happened a long time ago. His mom and his dad are the only family members that actually trust him. He feels like he has to prove his other realitives wrong but he doesn't know how.
My first paragraph
Why did I do that ? How could I have been so stupid? After a long night of getting no sleep, I felt absolutely horrible. I slowly crawled out of bed thinking of what I was going to say to my cousin when my family and I got to the party. This cousin in particular wasn't very fond of me. I have been dreading this day for a long time, to be more specific this same day, exactly one year ago.
Thanks for posting, Kendall! I look forward to reading about what your character did to make his relatives lose faith in him.
ReplyDeleteKendall what kind of character is your 19 year old? Is he nice mean annoying clutsy?
ReplyDeleteThe story sounds great, hope to read it soon!!!
Good Job
Jacqui Losi
:)
kendall this story sounds like its going to be a good one. i wonder what he did to make everyone not like him
ReplyDeletekendall
ReplyDeleteI liked how you started off the paragraph with two questions. I also liked how you said exactly one year ago, that is the event that made all of the relatives hate him I am guessing. The first paragraph looks like it really puts you in good shape for the rest of your story.
The spelling and grammer is good. I am wondering if you will tell what he did soon because I am really wondering what it is?
Ryan
Praise: Your story is in very good shape. The charecter sounds like he will try really hard to get back his good rep. I was very intrigued by the first two questions and I really liked how you started it off with two questions
ReplyDeleteQuestion: Just like I said, I am really wondering what he did to make everyone hate him
Polish: Maybe make it a bit more clear about the exactly one year from this day. I had to read it a couple of times and it is such a good idea that you want to have no confusions
Ryan